The Satirical: President Obama to Create No-Peace Corps

The President after signing the historical bill.

Signed into law yesterday by the President, the Despot Destabilization Act marks a new turn in American foreign policy. Young, passionate, ethnocentric Americans will volunteer abroad to destabilize non-Democratic governments as members of the No-Peace Corps.

"Now, look-" said President Obama in yesterday's press conference, "the American people love freedom- and Democracy is that freedom. The people of the world also desire their freedom. In places like Syria- Egypt-.... Libya. Patriots are fighting against oppression and despotism- and they need help. I have just signed into law- a bill that will ensure that people- around the world- will receive the American Democracy we want them to have."

No-Peace Corps volunteers will be trained to use a variety of techniques during their assignments: rabble-rousing, seditious publications, propaganda, bribery, supplying arms to local rebel groups, and employing guerrilla tactics against local law-enforcement and military agencies.

Head military adviser to the President and the Despot Destabilization Act, GEN. Dick Bulge said, "In these troubled nations, there is a lack of Justice, and with no Justice, there is no Peace. So, a primary tactic will be to thrust ourselves into the corrupt orifices of their police."

After successfully fostering a rebellion, the U.S. military will step in to oversee the final transition of the host nation to an American Democracy. Once local democracy has been established to American standards, the United States Peace Corps will begin their humanitarian effort to allay the American conscience and make everyone feel like they did a good thing in the long run.

"It's a bold policy, a true American policy." claimed creator of the act, SEN. Richard Small of Texas (R). "A world of American Democracy is a world safe for America. The patriots of the No-Peace Corps will create this world, and win the War against Terrorism."

Critics of the Act have been vocal in their opposition to what they see as a hypocritical policy. "This law will turn Americans into full-blown terrorists, using identical tactics to Al-Quedia." said SEN. Nancy Clemintine of Rhode Island (D) in a phone interview yesterday evening.

SEN. Small responded on his website: "The accusation of Mrs. Celmintine is both disturbing and insulting. Comparing the actions of the No-Peace Corps to known terrorist organizations is a gross misrepresentation of the goals of the act. Our volunteers will oppose undesired governments, advocate our superior values to the populace, and do so by any means necessary. They will be Freedom Fighters and Patriots- not terrorists. I would never say it, but the comments of my colleague from Rhode Island are so un-american; it is obvious she hates our great country."

The Senator went on to say, "Plus, Mrs. Clemintine's state is entirely insignificant in American politics."

Other critics oppose the Act upon general principle. "They are taking our job!" said Mr. Frank Tellman, deputy director of the C.I.A.